Overcoming Sexual Sin

We recently closed out of a series at Emmanuel Church entitled “The Art of Living,” and my final talk of the series was a challenging and unpopular topic–overcoming sexual sin.

The reason this information is compelling is because sexual sin is a massive problem today in our world.

• Pornography use has skyrocketed. 200,000 Americans are addicted, and every second $3,000 is spent on purchasing porn.
• Sex trafficking is an epidemic in this country and across the world.
• There are 20 million new cases of STDs every year.
• 56% of divorces cite porn use as one of the main contributing factors of the divorce.

I think we would agree that our culture is all over the place today when it comes to what is acceptable and unacceptable sexually. So, before we begin, I believe it’s important for us to define sexual sin based on what the Bible teaches us.

I believe that sexual sin is any sexual activity outside of what God intended within the context of a marriage between a man and a woman.

Sex is a wonderful gift from God, and the Bible teaches us that its original intent was to accomplish three things:

1. Express love
2. Experience pleasure
3. Create families

All of those work best within the covenant of marriage. Any time we take sex out of that context, there will be brokenness, pain, and hurt. It reminds me a lot like sleep. Sleep is a wonderful thing and, according to doctors, critical to our overall well-being; however, sleep in the wrong context could cost you a degree at school, a job, or even your life.

Maybe you are in the middle of practicing some form of sexual sin, but you are discouraged because you don’t even know where to begin to get out of it. Here are some first steps you can take:

1. Repent.

This repent is not necessarily the biblical term that we all know–although that type of repentance is also good. I’m referring to the word repent as in to have a “change of mind” about sex.

The worst kind of sexual sin involves taking. It’s self-centered and has nothing to do with the other person; in fact, the only purpose the other person serves is for your pleasure. Sex, however, is not about taking. Biblically speaking, it’s about love and expressing it. It’s about giving–not getting.

Once a person can re-orient themselves around a new meaning and a new purpose of sex, their minds can begin to transform their desires and redirect their will.

2. Talk to someone.

Sexual sin thrives in the dark, so when you tell someone, you bring it into the light. Just be sure that when you talk with someone, make it someone who will not only show you grace, but also who will call you to the next level in your spiritual journey.

Most people want to live up to the expectations of those closest to them, and this battle is not something you need to walk through alone.

3. Understand it’s a habit.

Sexual sin, especially when it involves the usage of porn, is a habit. Much like drug or alcohol abuse, the more you experience sexual sin, the more addictive it becomes.

The great news about this is that when we realize it is a habit, we will realize that–just like any bad habit–it can be broken with God’s help and the right tools and support system.

4. Replace the behavior with something else.

An incredibly good book that I would highly recommend is Atomic Habits by James Clear. In the book, he says, “You don’t eliminate a bad habit, you replace it.” He goes on to state, “Bad habits address certain needs in your life. And for that reason, it’s better to replace your bad habits with a healthier behavior that addresses that same need.”

Clear talks a lot about cutting out the triggers of the bad habit. For instance, if being alone is a trigger, then be intentional about being with friends. If being with certain friends triggers the poor behavior, then avoid them.

The Bible talks specifically about the need to become radical in getting rid of the triggers of your bad habit. Matthew 5:29 says, “So, if your eye–even your good eye–causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown unto hell.” Now, is He meaning literally to pluck your eyes out? No. But the point is–be radical. Get rid of the smart phone and go back to a flip phone. Ditch the computer. Fire some friends. Whatever it takes to replace the bad habits with healthier behaviors.

5. Decide what you really want.

Sexual sin is something people engage in because they want to. If they didn’t want to, they wouldn’t do it. The problem is, what we want is something God prohibits because it’s outside of the context of marriage.

C.S. Lewis said, “By ceasing for a moment to consider my own wants, I have begun to learn better what I really wanted.” In other words, is living a life of sexual sin what we really want? Is that what we were created for?

When you actually stop to ask that question, you realize the answer is, “No.” 1 Corinthians 6:13 says, “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” We were made for God. Whatever sexual sin can do for me, God can do more. Jesus called Himself the Living Water and the Bread of Life. He told us to seek His kingdom first, and everything else would be taken care of.

Will you trust Him?

I discussed this topic in detail during the close of our series The Art of Living. To watch the complete talk, visit eclife.org. You can also view it on our YouTube channel.